Talk One-2-One Student Counseling Services
By Danielle Clum, student, Northeast Center – Saratoga Unit
April 25, 2011
This counseling program is a free resource for confidential, convenient and 24/7 support for a number of problems that may be challenging your health or well-being. No issue is too small! Just call this number: 1-800-756-3124 and you will be able to talk to one of the counselors.
Everyone has arguments. Sometimes people, and arguments, are loud and active; and sometimes they are quiet and subtle. Talk One-2-One counselors often work with people to resolve their conflicts. These counselors, available to students and faculty, see that when people know how to “fight fairly,” using certain guidelines, they are more likely to find a resolution.
Talk One-2-One suggests these communication “rules” to argue “fairly”:
- Express concerns, desires and needs calmly and clearly, and in a normal tone of voice.
- Do not try to shout the other person down.
- Listen carefully and actively. Most people find that listening is far from easy. Strive to appreciate the other person’s point of view.
- Choose the time carefully. Bedtime, mealtime and leaving for work or school are poor times to fight.
- Be mindful of your mood and energy level, and those of the other person. When you are tired or upset by other factors, the quarrel becomes mixed with other needs.
- Do not zero in on the other person’s vulnerable areas. Criticizing a personal habit or failing is a deliberate aim to wound for the sake of wounding, and not to resolve or heal the rift.
- Avoid the use of “always” and “never” – terms that eliminate hope for change.
- Stick to the subject of the argument. Do not rehash old wounds and arguments, and do not “gunnysack” the other by dumping many hurts and resentments at once.
- Do not call the other person offensive names. Name calling is definitely unfair fighting.
- Do not exert physical violence during an argument. It is not only unfair, but also harmful, dangerous and illegal.
- If emotions threaten to get out of control or the dispute deteriorates into name calling or physical abuse, offer a truce.
- Do not withdraw. The silent treatment allows a misunderstanding to deepen and fester.
- This is different from a temporary “time-out” that can be helpful to reestablish calm.
- Do not drag friends into the argument as allies or go-betweens. Adding more people to the situation usually makes things worse.
If you’d like to discuss your relationship or any other life area, call a Talk One-2-One counselor at 1-800-756-3124, or visit www.studenttalkone2one.com. Counselors are available 24/7you’re your call is completely confidential.